So far gone I think I'm fraping myself?

Seeing as the day that I met the wooden cherub was yesterday, I do believe that I could quite possibly be fraping myself in this post. Well, not necessarily fraping, seeing as this is not facebook, but I thought that blaping (which I invented just now) sounds a bit lame. But the same premise is there, someone else taking control of your social networking life and is going to most probably write something different to what you'd normally put. 

It feels like that is happening a lot to me lately. Especially around the weekend time. I think that it is a combination of weekend time and reading a lot of Chris (Simpsons Artist)'s posts and works. He has a very unique style, and you can quite easily slip into it without much thought really. it's like being fluent in another language but not quite because you are still in your mother tongue and all you have to do is forget punctuation and grammar and occasionally throw in an unexpected concept whilst I laugh at small owls tumble over. I hope you get the gist of it...

This is one of my favourite works from Chris (Simpsons Artist) because he is really good and his pictures fill me up with glee. That is because all he wants is for his fans and friends (and every fan is his friend as long as they don't make his mum shout at him and send him up to the loft again)is them to be wild and happy and fun and confident and the best them they can be. I like the hand in this picture because of the way that the fingers are drawn bendy but not too bendy and not too straight so that we really are going wild. If we put our hand up lots we could upset baby owls that are trying to fly and disrupting mother nature is not cool or wild so that's why we only do it a little bit because humans don't have wings so shouldn't be up in the air. It really gets me in a party mood. I bet chris does this a lot when he jumps off his garage because he seems to do it a lot on facebook and twitter. I wonder whether he gets out of breath when he tries to say his sentences too.

That's me he;s talking to

Look he even said something nice about me on twitter so he must be a GOOD EGG. And he always signs his posts XOX because he is giving you two kisses and a hug in the middle because he's sweet.

I know why this feels like frape... it's because it's so much more fun than writing your normal everyday statuses and posts and blah blah blah. Personally I think it's funny when I get fraped, the more ridiculous and creative the better. However I've never had a life turny-upside-downy frape unlike some people, so don't know its full terror... But I don't take myself too seriously, especially not on the internet because it isn't real life, is it? I know it's getting close to it but...you still have more fun if you don't take yourself too seriously. The best times are when acting like complete and utter fools, throw caution to the wind and make hay whilst the sun still shines.

But oh shit my facebook has some weird statuses left by me... it's only weekend fever I haven't really gone batty and I sound more like im going batty because I'm writing like Chris Simpsons Artist again. 

i think this article has gone on long enough. Top of the morning.

xox

I don't think that I can take the torture much longer.

Kill it with Fire. I do not want to witness this again next year

I don't understand how anyone could possibly like Mr Paul (or is he a Sir? He certainly doesn't deserve it after what he's done to society over the years...) McCartney's age-old Christmas hit "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time". I could not ever have imagined a song so bland and dull becoming a time-weathering hit that could be considered a "classic". Well, a "classic" by someone whose opinion is so ridiculously outlandish that it is automatically classed as void. Or they're well and truly two tokens short of a toaster. More like trying to obtain this toaster by trading in bottle tops instead.

"Simply.. Having.."
"FUCK OFF DICK'ED"

I guess I wouldn't hate it so much if I hadn't heard this song about 15 times in the past 2 days. Actually yes, I would. All they seem to say is "Simply .. Having.. A wonderful christmas time" ad infinitum. They might say that there are some verses in there, but they're lying. If you listen to the "verses" backwards they sound exactly the same as the chorus. The worst thing is that it doesn't really explore Mr McCartney's vocal range either, and leads us all to hang around the same three notes all throughout the song. Yes, it would be great for those that are vocally challenged to have a little go at a sing-song, but can't they keep it in their own homes? Paul sounds flat on the record as well.

HOW BLOODY REPETITIVE IS THAT RECORD AS WELL?! It sounds like he isn't having the most wonderful christmas time if he's having to constantly reassure himself and his party that they are having a wonderful time every five seconds. I personally think that it's the song that most murders are committed to in the retail sector from the period of October to January. There must be some hidden meaning in it setting shop staff against each other in the stressful busy festive period.

Not long left to go now though. Just one working day left. I really really really need to burn that CD the second we shut on Christmas Eve. Actually, every copy of it that exists needs to be destroyed. It has tainted the world for too long. And also the sad thing about getting older is that you get more and more sick of hearing the same songs every year.

He's not still got it.

I thought we said STRIKE? Not SHOP?!

Oh my giddy aunt, there is no end to this baffling and confuzzlement of this country to me. It is really quite annoying. First people say that they'll take a day off for a strike, then the rest of the nation uses this as an excuse to go Christmas shopping. Excuse me, but how does this work? Surely striking should be sticking it to the man instead o causing an inconvenience and pumping several billions more into his pockets?

Ahh, remember, remember, the 30th of November... The day of the public sector strike. Nurses fucked off to stand on picket lines for the day, alongside teachers and probably school dinner ladies and university lecturers. I'm not quite sure who else, but anyone in the public sector really, you know, helping the public. I have no problem with this because they are making a stand. Why should they take a cut in their pensions when they're being forced to pay more into the scheme as well? It makes no sense. Yes, I know that we are in a recession, but aren't 70,000 jobs being gotten rid of over the coming years as well? Shouldn't that spare us a few extra pennies? I mean, obviously you could get the funds from somewhere else, but the public sector is easy. They're just there, we can lob off a few more jobs here and there...

I don't know why they don't look back onto those mega-rich independent businesses for help. Or the mega-rich independent businesses should be forced to help and ask for nothing in return, yet there's a highly unlikely chance that'll happen.

So... If we're so poor;

WHY DID WE ALL GO OUT BLOODY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING ON THE 30TH? 

I thought that we were meant to be making a stand about corporatism and fighting the man who's keeping us down, but instead, no. Let's take the kiddies out, buy some presents, celebrate consumerism and make that man who's making our lives a living hell even more the richer. I couldn't stand anyone who wandered into the shop that day in hope of completing their Christmas shopping, and it was a shame that there were a lot of them. I was even wished Merry Christmas by one, obviously one blissfully unaware of the best part of a month that lay between that day and Christmas.

I swear that that day was so busy that it felt like a Saturday. full of grumpy speed-shoppers, because that's what Saturday shoppers are like. No time for a chat and all.

Dear Santa...

...Seeing as all of the shops have got out all of their Christmas stock and decorations right now, I feel that it is necessary to prematurely construct my Christmas list. I have been very good this year, you know, and I'll even try and justify every present. There.

It's still bloody November mate!

My Christmas List 2011

A week off from EVERYTHING

This week, my weekend is merely 19 HOURS LONG. Really? Only 19 hours? I need to take a break from being such a busy bee, but nothing is really letting up at the moment. So for Christmas, I would like some paid holiday (HAH Fat chance of me getting any time off due to working in retail T_T)

I don't like things touching my
eyeball.

An all-expenses paid trip to the Opticians

It's a fact. I'm going blind. I have to get the person who sits next to me at the back of class to read off what's on the board to me, it's that bad. I can see the general outline but can't quite distinguish which word it is, sadly. However, the teacher's crappy running-out board pens don't generally help with the matter. NEVERTHELESS my genetics dictate that I'm meant to be going blind around this point anyway.

An all-expenses paid trip to the Dentist's.

I'm 20 and I'm falling to pieces. I've lost 0.25 of a tooth and need a filling replacing, yet they will charge me lots of money that I don't have if I go in now. Someone pay for me please, I need to save myself from tooth decay D:

A new computer (not a laptop please)

My laptop scares me. I need a nice desktop to put my mind at ease. It's something about them that makes them comforting.

DO WANT
THERE BE DRAGONS.

Skyrim

OH MY GOSH IT LOOKS AMAZING I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT. But if I get it I'll live in the torment of not having a console to play it on, and I have no time for fun things in free time these days. So it's best that I stay without until Christmas.

A pasta dish

with MASSIVE slopey sides so your pasta doesn't spill everywhere. The other housemates took our old ones, and they were most fabulous (the dishes. And the dishes did belong to the other housemates in the first place).

A 50mm lens for my camera, as well as an external flash

Well, internal flash pisses me off on a good day, hate flat pictures. And 50mm? Because I've been told that that is the lens to get for portrait photography, and I need to get a second lens for this camera anyway.

External Harddrive

More boring stuffs. I'm so boring this year.

This is one rather suave instrument.

A well nice coffee maker. Failing that, a cafetière shall suffice.

I think I'm outgrowing instant coffee. Weird that, seeing as I did start out on Starbucks, and now I can't drink any instant coffee besides carte noire. I just want a sophisticated coffee dispensing device, seeing as I love coffee so much.

NO CHOCOLATE GOD DAMMIT

Sick to death of the sight of it at the moment. That's what you get for working in a chocolate shop.

A set of really nice kitchen knives

The set here isn't really a set. I got the big knife last year for less than £2, part of that tesco value thing, and everything seems to be on its last legs/not be able to cut anything. So yes, I'd like a really nice set please, and I won't ever let anyone else touch them.

Yes. I want to cook in a wok using just
chopsticks ok? 

A set of really nice crockery. ie new non-stick pans. AND A WOK

I need my own personal wok. I don't know why I don't have one. More non-stick pans are required as the non-stick stuff on ours is wearing off. Now I have to scrape my food out of the bottom of the pan.

Chilli plant. So pretty
and so tasty!

A chilli plant

I love chillis. I could eat them all day anyday. Plants are ok too, they help with the O2 and CO2 balance in the atmosphere etc etc. A plant that grows chillis would save me a fortune on chillis (I could even have a go at making my own chilli sauce!) and looks cool as well.

A potato bag thingy that Jamie Oliver uses to grow potatoes in his townhouse.

This is the present that my sister, who has a rabid fixation upon Jamie Oliver (I exaggerate slightly), will happily buy any of his merchandise.

A tangerine/nectarine (I don't really see the difference?)

I might as well put something on my Christmas list that I'll actually be likely to get.

An apple.

If it's not Granny Smith, I'll be severely disappointed. Again, a reasonable suggestion considering our current economic climate. 

Granny Smith or nothing. UNTIL I DIE. Other types just
aren't as crisp or sharp enough, braeburn and coxes just
don't compare.

So this year for Christmas I don't want any lasers, they would be impractical for me. As in I can't see where I would use one on a day-to-day basis. Nor a ballerina dress with wings. Oh dear. I've grown out of Christmas.

(I actually fell out of love with it last year, when working full-time in the retail sector up to Christmas. The consumerism is soul-destroying.) Merry 12th November everybody.

I don't have enough dog to be the Grinch