Dear Santa...

...Seeing as all of the shops have got out all of their Christmas stock and decorations right now, I feel that it is necessary to prematurely construct my Christmas list. I have been very good this year, you know, and I'll even try and justify every present. There.

It's still bloody November mate!

My Christmas List 2011

A week off from EVERYTHING

This week, my weekend is merely 19 HOURS LONG. Really? Only 19 hours? I need to take a break from being such a busy bee, but nothing is really letting up at the moment. So for Christmas, I would like some paid holiday (HAH Fat chance of me getting any time off due to working in retail T_T)

I don't like things touching my
eyeball.

An all-expenses paid trip to the Opticians

It's a fact. I'm going blind. I have to get the person who sits next to me at the back of class to read off what's on the board to me, it's that bad. I can see the general outline but can't quite distinguish which word it is, sadly. However, the teacher's crappy running-out board pens don't generally help with the matter. NEVERTHELESS my genetics dictate that I'm meant to be going blind around this point anyway.

An all-expenses paid trip to the Dentist's.

I'm 20 and I'm falling to pieces. I've lost 0.25 of a tooth and need a filling replacing, yet they will charge me lots of money that I don't have if I go in now. Someone pay for me please, I need to save myself from tooth decay D:

A new computer (not a laptop please)

My laptop scares me. I need a nice desktop to put my mind at ease. It's something about them that makes them comforting.

DO WANT
THERE BE DRAGONS.

Skyrim

OH MY GOSH IT LOOKS AMAZING I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT. But if I get it I'll live in the torment of not having a console to play it on, and I have no time for fun things in free time these days. So it's best that I stay without until Christmas.

A pasta dish

with MASSIVE slopey sides so your pasta doesn't spill everywhere. The other housemates took our old ones, and they were most fabulous (the dishes. And the dishes did belong to the other housemates in the first place).

A 50mm lens for my camera, as well as an external flash

Well, internal flash pisses me off on a good day, hate flat pictures. And 50mm? Because I've been told that that is the lens to get for portrait photography, and I need to get a second lens for this camera anyway.

External Harddrive

More boring stuffs. I'm so boring this year.

This is one rather suave instrument.

A well nice coffee maker. Failing that, a cafetière shall suffice.

I think I'm outgrowing instant coffee. Weird that, seeing as I did start out on Starbucks, and now I can't drink any instant coffee besides carte noire. I just want a sophisticated coffee dispensing device, seeing as I love coffee so much.

NO CHOCOLATE GOD DAMMIT

Sick to death of the sight of it at the moment. That's what you get for working in a chocolate shop.

A set of really nice kitchen knives

The set here isn't really a set. I got the big knife last year for less than £2, part of that tesco value thing, and everything seems to be on its last legs/not be able to cut anything. So yes, I'd like a really nice set please, and I won't ever let anyone else touch them.

Yes. I want to cook in a wok using just
chopsticks ok? 

A set of really nice crockery. ie new non-stick pans. AND A WOK

I need my own personal wok. I don't know why I don't have one. More non-stick pans are required as the non-stick stuff on ours is wearing off. Now I have to scrape my food out of the bottom of the pan.

Chilli plant. So pretty
and so tasty!

A chilli plant

I love chillis. I could eat them all day anyday. Plants are ok too, they help with the O2 and CO2 balance in the atmosphere etc etc. A plant that grows chillis would save me a fortune on chillis (I could even have a go at making my own chilli sauce!) and looks cool as well.

A potato bag thingy that Jamie Oliver uses to grow potatoes in his townhouse.

This is the present that my sister, who has a rabid fixation upon Jamie Oliver (I exaggerate slightly), will happily buy any of his merchandise.

A tangerine/nectarine (I don't really see the difference?)

I might as well put something on my Christmas list that I'll actually be likely to get.

An apple.

If it's not Granny Smith, I'll be severely disappointed. Again, a reasonable suggestion considering our current economic climate. 

Granny Smith or nothing. UNTIL I DIE. Other types just
aren't as crisp or sharp enough, braeburn and coxes just
don't compare.

So this year for Christmas I don't want any lasers, they would be impractical for me. As in I can't see where I would use one on a day-to-day basis. Nor a ballerina dress with wings. Oh dear. I've grown out of Christmas.

(I actually fell out of love with it last year, when working full-time in the retail sector up to Christmas. The consumerism is soul-destroying.) Merry 12th November everybody.

I don't have enough dog to be the Grinch