What has become of this week off?

Ah yes, the week of rest and respite. Bliss. Work only on one day? Absolute madness. My little brain struggled to cope with all the free time that it was getting at once and made me giddy with excitement. And tired, seeing as I slept a fair bit too. However, I must have done something during the entire thing? Besides reading that book on day 1, as I'm no longer counting day one anymore as I have already written about it. And now I start to worry as I struggle to recollect my actions of the past week...

CLEAN KITCHEN. Glorious.

On day two, I recollect having all of the intentions of going into college to do some referencing and to finish off a couple of assignments, however due to certain circumstances this never happened. Mainly due to the fact that the journey to college can be described as a "rare mission", and I probably wasn't really feeling up for it that day. So instead, I made tomato and basil sauce to while away the hours, then I drank lots of coffee and attempted to clean the house from top to bottom. Well, actually vice versa seeing as I started in the kitchen... It was all going swimmingly until the hoover bag decided to be full when I started to clean the landing, and alas! I could go on no further. Everything else was all sparkling clean, the floors were mopped and all the kitchen counters wiped down and disinfected, yet I think that the house remained in this state for a mere two seconds after my housemates returned. I guess that you could call that the more productive side of procrastination...

Day Three was work day. It was also Christmas changeover day at this obscenely early time, so out went the baubles and the changing of everything around the shop and the chocolate santas and reindeer etc etc etc. Wasn't feeling too festive as even as I'm writing this, Halloween still hasn't come around yet.

Day Four was Get-Yo'-Ass-Into-Gear Day. Awoke at 12, and was fully set on going to finish off her work. Left the house at about two, arrived at college closing in on three and then realised that not much work could be done, as the library closed at 5. However, one assignment was completed and the others were mere references away from being completed. The evening was spent watching television (though NOT Eastenders) and I thoroughly enjoyed watching the programme about Dale Farm and found the programme about the modern welfare system eye-opening. Went to bed thinking that the day was very short (and so it had been, I think that I was up for less than 12 hours that day).

Day Five was the Shit-Goes-Down Day, as I had prepared myself to arise for an early start to college. Yes, waking up at 9 was quite an achievement for me... Was all done by 1pm, and I'd even stopped to have lunch! It was nice to have a small sense of freedom from those assignments that you didn't exactly have to slave over, but just add a little and often (which in most cases is the most draining). I felt like celebrating. Alcohol? Well, there would be a time and a place. Town at 1pm on a Friday may be acceptable for some people, but I just wasn't feeling it that day. So instead, seeing as it was sunny, I bought an ice cream. It was marvellous. The fact that it was on work staff discount as well made it taste ever so sweeter.
[Lapse of a short space of time/enough time to get through to the evening.]

I befriended a banana and a big bird.

At work?

It was that time again. The time to apply the feline warpaint, ready the photographic device and capture people's evenings in a single frame whilst they partied and danced and all that jazz. With it being the closest Friday to Halloween, the majority of the attendees were turned out so splendidly in their odd vestments. I made friends with a banana and big bird, Colonel Gaddafi was bopping around the mosh pit and Nightwing was certainly in the house this evening. Alex from a Clockwork Orange was there as well as a roe deer, various pirates and vampires and even two dragon-looking things that were most magnificent, but it was quite difficult to make out what they were. There were sailors, Ol' Gregg even came along and showed us his mangina (though happened to disappoint as he failed to drink baileys from a shoe), Amy Winehouse, Victorian ladies and gentlemen, plenty of army men and women and a good part of the cast of Wayne's World. Excellent. The list goes on and on.... but I guess that the most productive thing that I have out of that evening is I ended up taking a back of a hundred or so professional looking photos! Do I win, or do I win?

I fall down and sleep.

WHAT IS THIS.

It has been drawn to my attention that recently my blog entries have been resembling those of a lunatic. And I'm sure that they do seeing as all that I've written about lately is my opinion upon current affairs, and current affairs doesn't really bring out the best in me. I don't really consider myself qualified to give an opinion on the political situation, as I don't know what's going on half the time, though I do consider my theory upon Gaddafi's lifestyle up until the end to be somewhat inspired.

I think that for now I'm going to settle for tedium. Like some things that have made me really smile this week. And the worrying fact that I have now developed an obsession for Sting and Gaddafi, which I guess is what you get for having too much free time on your hands. When I saw someone dressed as the man, the legend himself at a Halloween party yesterday, I nearly cried and instantly wished to befriend the impersonator. Instead, I took a picture. Of course, with Colonel Gaddafi, his heart and soul and body and spirit may have died, but he shall forever be remembered as the true leading fashion icon of Libya.

And Sting, oh dear Sting! Your sweet dulcet tones have run circles round my head this week with endless renditions of "Roxanne" and "Don't Stand So Close To Me" with a "Message in a Bottle" thrown in for good measure. Why is your voice so good? And your songs so catchy? Why are you so amazing, what is this "je ne sais quoi" that obviously nobody can put their finger on, otherwise it wouldn't be called that, would it? Maybe the best way is to not go searching for answers to these questions as the answers could ruin the whole magic of the beast and break Sting's spell, and all we would be able to do then would be to mourn the fact that we'd looked so hard at something so beautiful that it couldn't be looked at the same way again...

:'(

Put out your red light.

Post to Encourage Self Development #1

I think that this shall be my formal statement of complaint to those who happened to get us into this "credit crunch" crisis and spiralled our country into lots and lots of debt, and who are basically expecting the next (my) generation to pick up the pieces. I would like to preface the whole matter with the fact that I am not happy.

First things first, I have an issue with their "addiction to spending" would be the best way to put it. Personally, I can't understand how you would feel that it would be justified to spend money that isn't there, that you don't have. Of course, if you don't have the money, you don't have the money, but if someone is willing to lend you the money until you're able to pay them back so that you can go on this all-out shopping spree, I guess that's alright. Of course they will be charging you a small fee and significantly more every day you go over the payback date, but it'll be alright as you can take out some more money from them or a different person to pay the first person back... Wouldn't it make more sense if you held out until payday in the first place? Or evaluated whether this shopping trip was entirely justified, as there's no point spending money that you don't have.

Is it just me that thinks like this? But what do I know, I'm just part of the generation that suffers I guess. Suffers is too harsh a word for this point in time, so I think that "bearing the burden" would be more apt.

Secondly, hey-you, Mr Fat-Cat Banker, share some around please. We can all see that you've awarded yourself a ridiculous bonus to yourself once again this year, and not saving as much for company pay rises further down the chain. I bet that you've given the Government and Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg plenty of money and flowers for their wives to make sure that they don't start taxing the big bankers more money than they are already, seeing as these bankers are having some terms of real financial hardship trying to meet the demands of the Prime Minister. You know what we would have done with all the extra revenue made from your taxes? Help keep the NHS free, and schools open. Plus help a couple of closing libraries as well. But no. Mr Fat-Cat is too selfish. It is his money, his alone, and no one else may have it. Because isn't money power? He has all the money therefore ...

I do believe that at the moment, our so-called 'capitalist' state has swung towards the the corporate side, ie big businesses and corporations dominating the market, and not completely squeezing out the middle man. For this to have happened, the people at the top of those chains must be practically soulless and heartless to continue what they're doing, blinded by greed. Whatever happened to having a sense of community and trust? These days you can't trust anyone really, can you, seeing as in the end all they want to do is exploit you, get something out of you, get one up on you. It's every man for himself out there these days as neighbours choose not to get to know one another and any sort of empathy for the little man is gone. But where did this all go? And when?

Need we pinpoint an era?

 This sort of society encourage human beings to be less compassionate for each other than in the past, and youngsters not taught about manners and general rules about being polite. No wonder your kids are like this these days, they haven't had any true moral values drummed into them. I'm not accusing you of being the devil incarnate, but I'm just saying there's a lot of stuff that you did wrong. And I'm guessing that us lot will have to learn from your mistakes, hopefully rebuild a more trusting country that isn't centred around bureaucracy, and live more like your parents did and their parents before that by not living outside our means. Simples.

Blah.

Twitter? What is this? It's been a year and I still don't really understand you. Nor do my friends, so it seems that nobody really wants to use you. But I do! It's been a year, take me back and teach me please. I need to try and wean myself off facebook, thanks.

Of course, addressing a website as if it were an old boyfriend or girlfriend and expecting an answer to my question (or merely a solution to my long term problem) would be ridiculous. I bet the guy who runs twitter (probably guys these days in the helpdesk centre) would take one look at that, smirk, and ignore my e-mail. My heart-felt plea to use their website, one final time. And I don't even know really why I want to use it. Maybe I am ready for micro-blogging, and ready to cut down on the Facebook rubbish? A haiku a day looks arty and sophisticated on twitter, whereas it looks too pretentious and stuck-up on facebook, and your friends of friends probably won't "get it" either. Besides, all of the big names are on twitter such as Stephen Fry (he can write, I'm sure of it) and other big names that also possess a significantly greater average number of brain cells than the average celebrity, including people who write newspaper articles and books. Yes, newspaper articles and books! Twitter seems to be the place to be to go and get all that.

However, it's been abandoned for the best part of a year. There's no point in these sorts of things if your friends aren't on them, seeing as communication is also part of the game as well. I guess that's why Facebook has remained popular... but I am desperate to start tweeting as well. Now I have a magic phone that has internet, posting shall be much easier...

The Jeremy Kyle show.

The Big J.

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of enjoying one of Mr Jeremy Kyle's fine broadcasts on the old television, I shall start this by informing you of what Mr Jeremy Kyle is all about. He hosts a programme, the aptly named "Jeremy Kyle Show" (yes, it is named after himself because he stars in it) on ITV1 at 9.25 every weekday morning, and this is repeated on ITV2 at around about 2 or 3pm. Sometimes they throw in a double bill, just to keep you late-risers occupied.

On this show, Jeremy Kyle and his team (not forgetting good ol' Graham in the aftercare department) set out to help people whose relationships are really struggling, families that are about to be torn apart by violence and alcohol abuse, and not forgetting the couples that have lost trust in each other. Valiantly, Jeremy listens to their troubles and dispenses his wisdom in the manner that he sees most fit, as well as ousting many other family rumours or dirty secrets accidentally in the process. Jolly good fun is had by all, especially you, the viewer.

You get some right stunners on this
show.

However, not all is right as rain. As a rough estimate, I would say that around about 90% of the applicants and guests on the Jeremy Kyle show are unemployed, with the odd case being some middle-class mother trying to reach out to her adopted son. Of course, this figure is an estimate, as it could really be something more realistic like 87.5%, yet most of the people who end up on this show are the sort who have no real goal in life, and therefore no motivation to go out and work for it. Instead, they can devote all their time to having petty squabbles between themselves, accuse each other of being unfaithful (really they are both as bad as each other as they both gave into their carnal desires), and generally spend their time living more like an animal in mating season than an educated human being.

What I can't really understand is why don't they want to work? Surely there are better things to do in life than sitting around all day? Some use the excuse that being on benefits would put them in a financially better position than if they were to go to work, but that is hardly an excuse, is it? Have they no idea of what it's like to earn something instead of getting it given as a hand-out? It's like when you cook dinner as opposed to popping a ready meal in the microwave: the real meal tastes better, and you have a sense of achievement once it's on the table, whereas the microwave meal is always a bit lame and full of salt. Don't these people get a kick out of a sense of achievement? Instead, no. They are capable of sitting around, not doing much, yelling at each others' kids and abusing this welfare system.

Beveridge

The Welfare System was actually set up in good faith, by William Beveridge. Well, his ideas were, in the 1940s, as a safeguard against if you fell ill or some circumstances led to you not being able to work for a period of time, his system would cover you. All you had to do was pay a little bit in every time you got paid, then if you had to take the time off you would be supported financially through that time, which sounds all well and good to me. However, most of these people who are on benefits these days (broad sweeping generalisation here) haven't necessarily contributed that much to the pot, and yet are still expecting something out of it. Beveridge would be turning in his grave, as his system was meant to abolish the "Great Five Evils": "Want, Disease, Ignorance, Squalor and Idleness " yet has somewhat fuelled them. "Idleness" strikes me as a key point. Back in the day of Beveridge's report, however, unemployment was looked on as a shameful thing.  Why isn't it nowadays? Why is a fair part of the country shunning work for... doing nothing, I suppose?

What would you do with all that free time? I would drive myself mental, so it's no wonder that the subjects on the Jeremy Kyle show seem to do just that. An indefinite length of free time with such and such money dispensed to spend in it... I would probably spend every penny by the first day out of sheer boredom, purchasing other means to keep myself occupied throughout the week. Or, I could look for a job.
You know what a job does? It gives you something to do, whilst also a form of respectable income (in the case that you have actually worked for it, as opposed to having sat on your backside all day), gives you a role in the society and something different to talk about at the dinner table. It also helps you to develop a new routine (no more 2pm starts), you could end up developing new skills, and you end up enjoying your time off more. Simple! I'm now sounding like a bloody salesperson for jobs. But I mean it. With all this stuff going for jobs, how could they possibly stay at home? There are jobs out there.

I'm one of those people that got a job at 17, and has never been out of one since. Yes, I am used to getting to where I need to be on time etc etc. But I don't know what I'd do without a job, with vast planes of free time stretching out beyond me and into the realms of unemployment. Besides looking for another job, I would at least attempt to structure my day. I'd get out of bed before 9 (because it feels like you get a lot more done if you get out of bed before 9) and would probably find a different creative outlet to explore. Or volunteer. Because volunteering is like working without getting paid.

It would only be when I'm really desperate ie unemployed for several years and having not produced anything worthy of any creative merit, nor learnt anything of any use, that I would turn to the bottle. Or smoke weed all day. Maybe that's why these guys do it? Because they have nothing creative or useful that can be salvaged from the pits of their (somewhat void) imagination? I may be making assumptions/leaping to conclusions, but isn't that they are effectively saying: "We're a hopeless case, write us off now. We are now no use to your society anymore"? If that is the case, then it would be wise to cull them off, wouldn't it?

Actually, they are merely an intellectual and sociological disaster, yet from a biological viewpoint they are behaving in a perfectly sane manner. All they want to do is procreate, which is, effectively, what we were put on earth to do. No, they can't quite comprehend complex concepts of thought, struggle with long words and simply can't spell, yet they can spread their seed far and wide easy peasy! It is only after they have committed their deeds that the carnal bestial instinct subsides and they are left to pay the social consequences. Because despite all of this lack of greater knowledge, they still have rules and regulations when it comes to possession and their "pack". And this is when Jeremy Kyle steps in.

Typical case from the show.

Jeremy Kyle, the ultimate start to day-time television (the telly most viewed by nans and the unemployed). Late start at work? Off school ill? Or are you just a student and having a bad day? This is the one show that really puts your life in perspective, that includes gripping stories such as: "You slept with my wife, and now you say the kid's yours?","Why should you be so paranoid when I've seen your history?","You slept with 16 other women during our 2 month relationship, why do you want me back?". Tempers fly on the show, hissy fits flare, guests storm off-stage/damage equipment/shout/swear/scream/cry, and time after time the true father would be revealed and the guests would all resolve to get their problems sorted in the end. Seeing as this is on at prime-time for the unemployed, I wouldn't be surprised to see them aspire to get on this show. Though there was one woman on one episode who was rather embarrassed to be on the show, as I think that she fought with a couple of other men as to who the father of her child was meant to be. She did explicitly say that she "didn't want her daughter to be known as the girl whose mum and dad was on the Jeremy Kyle show when she started school". Tough luck mate.

Maybe we should have a mass cull of these leeches. Of course, it wouldn't be necessarily humaine, but at the moment qui bienfait de leur existance?

Actually, some of the people on this show are so horrendously misfigured that it's a miracle that they were able to procreate in the first place!