The Jeremy Kyle show.

The Big J.

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of enjoying one of Mr Jeremy Kyle's fine broadcasts on the old television, I shall start this by informing you of what Mr Jeremy Kyle is all about. He hosts a programme, the aptly named "Jeremy Kyle Show" (yes, it is named after himself because he stars in it) on ITV1 at 9.25 every weekday morning, and this is repeated on ITV2 at around about 2 or 3pm. Sometimes they throw in a double bill, just to keep you late-risers occupied.

On this show, Jeremy Kyle and his team (not forgetting good ol' Graham in the aftercare department) set out to help people whose relationships are really struggling, families that are about to be torn apart by violence and alcohol abuse, and not forgetting the couples that have lost trust in each other. Valiantly, Jeremy listens to their troubles and dispenses his wisdom in the manner that he sees most fit, as well as ousting many other family rumours or dirty secrets accidentally in the process. Jolly good fun is had by all, especially you, the viewer.

You get some right stunners on this
show.

However, not all is right as rain. As a rough estimate, I would say that around about 90% of the applicants and guests on the Jeremy Kyle show are unemployed, with the odd case being some middle-class mother trying to reach out to her adopted son. Of course, this figure is an estimate, as it could really be something more realistic like 87.5%, yet most of the people who end up on this show are the sort who have no real goal in life, and therefore no motivation to go out and work for it. Instead, they can devote all their time to having petty squabbles between themselves, accuse each other of being unfaithful (really they are both as bad as each other as they both gave into their carnal desires), and generally spend their time living more like an animal in mating season than an educated human being.

What I can't really understand is why don't they want to work? Surely there are better things to do in life than sitting around all day? Some use the excuse that being on benefits would put them in a financially better position than if they were to go to work, but that is hardly an excuse, is it? Have they no idea of what it's like to earn something instead of getting it given as a hand-out? It's like when you cook dinner as opposed to popping a ready meal in the microwave: the real meal tastes better, and you have a sense of achievement once it's on the table, whereas the microwave meal is always a bit lame and full of salt. Don't these people get a kick out of a sense of achievement? Instead, no. They are capable of sitting around, not doing much, yelling at each others' kids and abusing this welfare system.

Beveridge

The Welfare System was actually set up in good faith, by William Beveridge. Well, his ideas were, in the 1940s, as a safeguard against if you fell ill or some circumstances led to you not being able to work for a period of time, his system would cover you. All you had to do was pay a little bit in every time you got paid, then if you had to take the time off you would be supported financially through that time, which sounds all well and good to me. However, most of these people who are on benefits these days (broad sweeping generalisation here) haven't necessarily contributed that much to the pot, and yet are still expecting something out of it. Beveridge would be turning in his grave, as his system was meant to abolish the "Great Five Evils": "Want, Disease, Ignorance, Squalor and Idleness " yet has somewhat fuelled them. "Idleness" strikes me as a key point. Back in the day of Beveridge's report, however, unemployment was looked on as a shameful thing.  Why isn't it nowadays? Why is a fair part of the country shunning work for... doing nothing, I suppose?

What would you do with all that free time? I would drive myself mental, so it's no wonder that the subjects on the Jeremy Kyle show seem to do just that. An indefinite length of free time with such and such money dispensed to spend in it... I would probably spend every penny by the first day out of sheer boredom, purchasing other means to keep myself occupied throughout the week. Or, I could look for a job.
You know what a job does? It gives you something to do, whilst also a form of respectable income (in the case that you have actually worked for it, as opposed to having sat on your backside all day), gives you a role in the society and something different to talk about at the dinner table. It also helps you to develop a new routine (no more 2pm starts), you could end up developing new skills, and you end up enjoying your time off more. Simple! I'm now sounding like a bloody salesperson for jobs. But I mean it. With all this stuff going for jobs, how could they possibly stay at home? There are jobs out there.

I'm one of those people that got a job at 17, and has never been out of one since. Yes, I am used to getting to where I need to be on time etc etc. But I don't know what I'd do without a job, with vast planes of free time stretching out beyond me and into the realms of unemployment. Besides looking for another job, I would at least attempt to structure my day. I'd get out of bed before 9 (because it feels like you get a lot more done if you get out of bed before 9) and would probably find a different creative outlet to explore. Or volunteer. Because volunteering is like working without getting paid.

It would only be when I'm really desperate ie unemployed for several years and having not produced anything worthy of any creative merit, nor learnt anything of any use, that I would turn to the bottle. Or smoke weed all day. Maybe that's why these guys do it? Because they have nothing creative or useful that can be salvaged from the pits of their (somewhat void) imagination? I may be making assumptions/leaping to conclusions, but isn't that they are effectively saying: "We're a hopeless case, write us off now. We are now no use to your society anymore"? If that is the case, then it would be wise to cull them off, wouldn't it?

Actually, they are merely an intellectual and sociological disaster, yet from a biological viewpoint they are behaving in a perfectly sane manner. All they want to do is procreate, which is, effectively, what we were put on earth to do. No, they can't quite comprehend complex concepts of thought, struggle with long words and simply can't spell, yet they can spread their seed far and wide easy peasy! It is only after they have committed their deeds that the carnal bestial instinct subsides and they are left to pay the social consequences. Because despite all of this lack of greater knowledge, they still have rules and regulations when it comes to possession and their "pack". And this is when Jeremy Kyle steps in.

Typical case from the show.

Jeremy Kyle, the ultimate start to day-time television (the telly most viewed by nans and the unemployed). Late start at work? Off school ill? Or are you just a student and having a bad day? This is the one show that really puts your life in perspective, that includes gripping stories such as: "You slept with my wife, and now you say the kid's yours?","Why should you be so paranoid when I've seen your history?","You slept with 16 other women during our 2 month relationship, why do you want me back?". Tempers fly on the show, hissy fits flare, guests storm off-stage/damage equipment/shout/swear/scream/cry, and time after time the true father would be revealed and the guests would all resolve to get their problems sorted in the end. Seeing as this is on at prime-time for the unemployed, I wouldn't be surprised to see them aspire to get on this show. Though there was one woman on one episode who was rather embarrassed to be on the show, as I think that she fought with a couple of other men as to who the father of her child was meant to be. She did explicitly say that she "didn't want her daughter to be known as the girl whose mum and dad was on the Jeremy Kyle show when she started school". Tough luck mate.

Maybe we should have a mass cull of these leeches. Of course, it wouldn't be necessarily humaine, but at the moment qui bienfait de leur existance?

Actually, some of the people on this show are so horrendously misfigured that it's a miracle that they were able to procreate in the first place!