RIP YODA

RIP Young YODA

You had a face that no one could well and truly comprehend. No one could ever see past your damaged visage and just be your friend. I have come to the conclusion that I want to be your friend, but it is too late! Alas, you are gone.

WORLD'S UGLIEST DOG 2K10 AND 2K11

MATE.

Donc....

Le fin d'un siècle...
The end of an era. And a pretty good one too.

it's very odd to see someone go, especially when you don't actually get to see them go. Moving away for the best, and we both know it. However, a couple of things that I need to get straight first.

First and foremost, I enjoy the fact that I've found a like-minded soul who is as silly and not-quite-there like I am... It's reassuring to find that there is actually someone else who is as retarded and as foolish as I am. If we'd met under different circumstances, at a different time, I could see that we would have been able to stay (geographically) closer for a lot longer. However, that was not the case. I think we all got to a point where everyone was pretty much dragging each other down, despite the fact that we love each other dearly.

I am sad to see you go, but relieved as well. I wish you all the best in your future, just we all need to be kept separate for the time being until we've sorted our goals out and got our lives back on track. All we were doing was wasting time, but having the most amazing time doing so.

Thank you for sharing the most excellent fun experiences! I shall hold them with me forever. However, I have to be boring now and get my head down and work done.

Until we meet again!

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly...

I don't know why she swallowed a fly. Perhaps she'll die?
Well, sorry to put a pessimistic and realistic spin of this, but of course she's going to die. Whether it's down to the presence of a fly in her digestive tract being the trigger that sets off all sorts of underlying conditions (such as her stomach lining is sensitive to bluebottles), or that she goes on with her life and dies like a normal person, doing normal things. Like crossing a road or being shanked by an unpleasant individual who coveted her purse. Dying is a fact of life. This lady is seriously not well if she has lived to  be old and still thinks that there is some alternative  method at the end of it all. Or maybe she'll just stay alive for eternity?
Or maybe what the author meant was that perhaps she will die as an immediate consequence of consuming a fly which she doesn't. That makes more sense.

Well, she certainly had enough life in her to consume a spider. In this western world, I don't really see many septuagenarians (or octo- or nonogenarians for that matter) jumping up and down with excitement at the thought of consciously consuming a spider. Especially if it's going to wriggle and tickle inside you, which sounds like a truly unpleasant experience.Of course, everyone eats spiders in their sleep, but that's by accident.
Turns out that this old lady ate a spider in order to catch the fly that was inside her. WHAT DID SHE THINK THAT THE FLY WAS DOING INSIDE HER? BUZZING AROUND? She obviously had no concept whatsoever of what the human internal anatomy resembled. If I remember rightly from the book, she thought there was just a big hole inside her that the fly could buzz around and become a nuisance. Maybe she heard the buzzing ringing in her ears. If you told her that the total surface area of all your internal organs was the size of something large and several football pitches-sized, she wouldn't believe you at all. There couldn't possibly be stuff inside people could there? Of course not, we're hollow.

Little does she know that these poor critters that have unfortunately found their way into her digestive tract, are suffering immense agony and are dead.

Old lady having just swallowed
a horse.

The whole book carries on in this way, with the old lady continuing to eat more ridiculous and equally infeasible organisms in order to "catch" the one that she ate before. This is purely ludicrous. How can a woman swallow an entire horse in one gulp, especially when she has a donkey and a cow and a dog and a cat and probably a couple of other things already in there. Maybe some werthers originals.
I won't spoil the ending, but I must say that it was disappointingly predictable.

I guess that this is a work of fiction, but I hope that the author has reduced his consumption of crack recently. I couldn't think of any other way of coming up with such a bizarre tale.

I am lying on some cushions

I don't understand how this phone posting thing works. How do you see what it's going to look like? And where is mypictyure going to be posted?

I don't know. All this confusion is making me feel less comfortable in spite of these cushions...

I. DON'T. LIKE. SWIMMING.

What a nob.

Swimming is not natural. If we were born to swim, we would have webbed feet like otters, or gills or fins or something that makes us more adapted for water locomotion. However, I have two feet that work perfectly well on the ground thank you very much, and I have no need nor desire to go and travel distances across vast expanses of water. I much prefer to walk around the outside anyway, seeing as that is what I am good at.

Swimming should only be used in times of great necessity or peril. Peril is not watching your neighbour's zgerbil drown in the pond and not doing anything about it, nor is it fretting. gerbils don't swim so they die out by natural selection when this part of the world floods. I will only swim when forced into a large body of water outside of my own control. Forced. By another body or some natural disaster. I will only swim unless I have to, and I geuss that that would be a time that I had to. However, seeing as the human body is less dense than water due to its fat  content, I should stand a slight chance of floating and keeping my head above the water until some deranged individual takes pity on me.

I really don't like swimming because I'm really bad at swimming. But that's because I don't like the actual motions you go through with swimming. For me, swimming is "Staying Alive". However, other people are mad enough to make it into a sport. A sport with the risk of drowning? It's setting my heart on edge already. Whereas it would literally be described as "splashing like a deranged loon".

I don't want to encunter this guy past the 1.5m line

i ALSO don't like the chances of encountering a shark whilst swimming. Humans aren't adequately equipped fotr dealing with such creatures, so I think that it is best to stay out of the water to eliminate any chance of contact whatsoever. I don't want to meet a shark, not even a baby one that's come up through my plug hole. And lets face it, sharks will always swim faster than humans so there's no point in swimming lots to go faster. I heard they nip.

Swimming too soon after a meal is generally associated with indigestion and terrible cramps which are most unpleasant. I don't want to risk it, because if i have cramps in the water it may affect my technique and buoyancy and I could drown or a shark could take its opportunity on me. Cramps in my feet are bad enough, so one in my stomach would make me drown for sure.

NATURE IS AGASINT US GUYS. We are not meant to swim. Apart from people with webbed feet like that Olympic swimmer. Let's stay on land far away from dangerous bodies of water.

Also goggles are very ugly and I don't agree with the attire they force you to wear.

me