Thursday, 29 December 2011

Panda of the Year

Turns out that Pandas are finally getting some sort of recognition of their beauty and grace,seeing as one of them was put in the BBC's woman of the year award. Not just a beauty pageant of course, but an award that recognises the true grit of character. Pandas are chock full of that.

"Sweetie" was the panda that has been nominated for this prestigious event. Who the hell would call a panda Sweetie though? If I were a panda, I would deem it a bit patronising. I'd like to be called my normal name, "Tian-Tian" that the original owners had called me. I don't know what Tian-Tian means, and even if it does mean the same thing, at least it sounds better.

So yes, what has Tian-Tian done to be up with all these other prestigious names in the human world? Pauline Pearce, the have a go hero, and Adele, the crooning wailing pudding ball, are all on par with Tian Tian. Well, she's endangered. It takes a lot to be endangered. Out of her WHOLE species that's ever lived, there are only a handful of them left. And she's moved house to Edinburgh zoo with another (male? i can only presume) bear in order to mate/do what they do. THIS NOBLE RACE MUST BE PRESERVED.

Or is that just what we think?
You can't force pandas to have sex with each other. That's just degrading. Maybe this is their swan song?
A dying race that's already dead at heart due to captivity.

However, I would also like to know what other merits were taken into consideration when awarding this title. Did the contestants have to write a poem or something? Was there a shortlist? What were the requirements in the first place? To be awesome and done something that gets you notice, as well as have ovaries I assume. However, unlike Adele, or this have a go hero lady, Tian-Tian possesses many more hidden talents.

Did you know that the real reason why pandas are believed to be extinct is because most of them have colonised underground, found a loophole in the space-time continuum by an infinitesimally small chance and migrated to the place where Star Wars is. All Tian-Tian is doing is being cute and lonely so we have nothing to suspect.

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