So... I get a new phone....

Absolutely bamboozled by this technology.

... new phones always seem like such a good idea at the time. Having lost my previous phone on a wild night on the way home in the back of a taxi, I have been using a fantastic little samsung to see me through until I got my upgrade on my contract. 

The beast

It can call people, it can receive and send texts, it has a really god damn annoying and effective alarm, and get this. It even has a calendar and a god damn calculator! Battery life is in the realm of 6-7 days +, but the only let down is that it can only hold 130 messages in the inbox. A little bit of deleting everything every day seemed to keep it in check, but besides that, what more could you ask from a phone? You can drop it, hit it, submerge it in water and it still comes out fighting and does all the stuff that a phone should do. Why can't other phones do that these days? The only problem I'm currently having with this phone is that the down button keeps sticking, but it only started doing that when my new phone arrived. Some sort of envy? Well, it was only a fiver. BARGAIN. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS PHONE.

The challenger rises.

But now I have a new phone. They sent it in the post and it looked very shiny and when I turned it on, it practically illuminated the whole room. Never had I possessed such technology with a screen so big in proportion to its other parts! But yes, how the hell do I use it?
First of all, cut off thumb nails. This phone disapproves of thumbnails because the touchscreen is "heat-sensitive", so whenever you're trying to click on a really small button it's impossible because of the nail in the way. Dammit.
It was also a real ball-ache trying to download the software for it to connect to the computer, as it didn't come with drivers in the box (like all phones used to! What's wrong with dropping a little cd in there?). Two hours later I eventually got it up and running and could transfer all of my lovely pictures and songs to my computer and make them pretty and such. However, that was a very testing two hours whilst my router decided to play up like the ever-annoying bastard it truly is, making downloading anything nigh-on impossible.

Right, so all that's done.... HOLY FUCK. IT CAN CONNECT TO THE INTERNET.
I don't think I've had a phone that does that in a long while, so this is once again a relatively new concept to me. But woowwwww I forgot how many hours you could waste just being on this thing.

All I pray now is that it somehow gains +1000 extra battery life and doesn't snap in two and people don't touch it with greasy fingers.