Attack of the Trip Advisors.

Go suck a dick.

I have watched far far far too much television this week I tell you. So much that I watched this interesting programme about "Trip Advisor", the online site that advises you where to go for a trip basically. Except instead of it all being glossed over by some PR rep, it's actually written by paying customers themselves! Wow, what a great idea! People can advise their friends on where to go and have a good time and their friends could know what to expect when they got there... sounds good!

However, it's not all good, as this TV show enlightened me. It turns out that some people are really really really sad and have nothing better to do on their mini-breaks than scrutinise somebody's B&B, write an awful review on Trip Advisor and bring down the poor B&B owner's credibility, reputation and effectively business. The fact that they seem to get a kick out of it is bloody unbelievable! The "Trip Advisors" who came on this show spent one night in a bed and breakfast that had received numerous bad reviews from the people on this website, whereas they had been perfectly fine and passed all health and safety and basic hygiene standard requirements that were... well, required.

Some of these weird, pedantic fellows who came to stay inspected toilet brushes, marked sheets on beds with a biro to double check whether they were being changed regularly, took a couple of sachets of tea and coffee from the mini bar awaiting replacement, complained about a blue light, complained about the food and generally made a terrible fuss. But of course, not to the B&B owners' faces, they had to read about it on trip advisor later. What sort of person would smile at the host, yet write something terrible about them behind their back? Wouldn't it be more constructive if they told the host there and then, and the host would do their best to amend to situation? No, apparently not. It's either too much of a kick on that website, or they're just scared. Both? Perhaps. However, most of these people seemed to have been bullied earlier on in life, so maybe this is them going full circle? Who knows, there are a helluva lot of questions to be answered judging by those question marks.

Let's take one couple. I can't remember their names, but let's call them John and Lisa. John and Lisa used to run a pub, but one day they saw a lovely building that they wanted to set up into a B&B, and it was for sale as well (the fates were certainly with them that day!). SO they ended up selling their pub and buying the dilapidated old B&B and then spent two years fixing it up whilst living in a caravan out the back.They let out their own good bedrooms to tenents so that they could make enough money to refurbish their building and live their dream of owning a little B&B in the country, and after two years of hard working and scrimping and saving, they realised their dream at last and opened their B&B. John also worked as a cook as well, and manned the kitchens throughout the day, cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner, and they even specialised in seafood. Things were going well, up until these trip advisors came along some years later. Of course at times the place felt like Fawlty Towers, with the waitress being Spanish and barely speaking a word of English, but times were made harder by the fact that whenever they logged onto their computer and onto this site advertising their little business to the world, someone would have something bad to say about the stay at their B&B.

Of course, if you've poured your heart and soul into something your whole life and are then told that it's a piece of rubbish, years down the line, by a complete stranger is somewhat disheartening. But what is worse is that they were absolutely lovely people as well! John had a great sense of humour and Lisa was great at front of house etc, so what if the food wasn't top notch? This is a B&B, not the Hilton! People cook food here as opposed to highly enhanced cooking machines. I don't see why everyone expects luxury treatment, hotel-style treatment from B&Bs as well. They're letting you into their home so be grateful, stop being grumpy. What? It's not the Ritz? Well don't expect it, seeing as you haven't bloody paid for the Ritz. And don't expect someone to wash your sheets every 20 seconds, there isn't enough time to hang them out to dry even when new guests come round, no need to wash them if you're staying in the same bed for two nights, is there?

Anyway, back to our dear couple John and Lisa... In order to make amends to the person who posted a bad review about their B&B, they invited her back to have a free lunch with her husband and her auntie or friend or whichever relative that came with her originally, to discuss a consideration of withdrawal of the post. What a lovely gesture! Saying: "I'm so sorry that you had a shit time when you stayed at mine. I would've done something about it if you said something to my face, but you didn't, you bitched about it on the internet, dragging my business's reputation down and knocking my confidence. Please accept this meal where we can have a chat over the whole affair like civilised human beings and try and convince you to take that post down." Wow. I'd write bad reviews if that gave me free food like that. Actually, I couldn't... I've seen the pain they've been through.

So Mrs X the bitch, Mr Y and Ms Z all came along for luncheon, and Lisa and John speculate as to which one of their customers left the remark. Obviously, seeing as it's all done anonymously on this site, they weren't sure exactly as to which one it was, yet they had their bets on "an annoying whingey woman who is too up her own ass all the time" who would obviously be difficult to impress. Ah well, the swearing was left in the kitchen and it was all smiles as Lisa greeted the miserable trio of X,Y and Z. She even did her bloody best to clear the air throughout lunchtime and just be smiley and all nice and ... you know how good hostesses are meant to be. Then after dessert, John came out from the kitchen to convince the lot of them to change their opinion, seeing as after the free meal, they hadn't really budged. Lisa asked them again, and no change still, Mrs X with lips tightly sealed. John then tells them the whole story of how their B&B came to be, the caravan years, the saving and scrimping, and how he'd recently had a heart attack due to the extra stress levels these independent reviews put the family under. After this, Mr Y said that this wasn't really relevant, that all of these things should be based on standards, and attempted to leave. Mrs X and Z were happy to come too, leaving Lisa and John's efforts in tatters.

Really, is there no common decency in this day and age? Is it all about money and cleanliness and all that crap that doesn't really have any real standing in society? It's all these "I am my own island" types that are going into B&Bs, whereas the owners come from a time when you actually knew your next door neighbour. Go away city types, go back to the Hilton. Leave the quaint little B&Bs alone to those who will always enjoy them.